hmm i tink this new skin is really pretty, but then like got something wrong..how come everytime i open can onli see the posts section but not the navigations part?? do u all have this problem or is it me? usually it onli comes out after i refreshed the page, so yup might have to refresh if u wanna tag thanks!

today 刘耕宏came to our church svc!! he and another 2 guys.. i tink he said they formed a new band or something.. then the other 2 quite shuai oso haha.. matt and wing... after tat supposed to take pics wif him!! i wanted to ask him pass msg to jay lor, but then SO SO SUAY!! our cell grp was 2nd in line then liu geng hong said he had to rush off somewhere liao. so sad!!! haha.. but oh wells at least got to see him in close quarters. hes much more handsome in real life. oh btw he's part of our church in the taiwan "branch" of city harvest.. then jay went twice wif him!! so cool haha.. if i can go to emerge conference in taiwan this april maybe i'll see jay haha.. but haix dont tink i got money to go..

Hands that hold the heavens
Hold my heart tonight
Love pierce through my darkness
Glorious light
Words of life eternal
Heal my broken soul
To whom will i go
There's no one else but you alone
Jesus, Jesus
No other name, no one the same like you
The truth, the light, the way
Singing Jesus, Jesus
Glory and praise
Our voices we raise to you
The soon and coming king
You are the Christ
Son of the living God
The great i am
I'll follow you till the end

出鞘剑杀气荡

风起无月的战场

千军万马独身闯

一身是胆好儿郎

儿女情前世帐

你的笑,活着怎么忘

美人泪断人肠

这能取人性命是胭脂烫

绝别诗

两三行

写在三月春雨的路上

若还能打着伞走在你的身旁

绝别诗

两三行

谁来为我黄泉路上

唱若我能死在你身旁

也不枉来人世走这趟

So, chinese new year is over a blink. i cant say whether im sad to see it go, since i've never really liked the festival, except for the holidays and the angpaos. many ppl always cant figure out why i dislike cny so much, ok so i shall tell u all the reason, because instead of family bonding, get-together yadayada time that most ppl enjoy during cny, i usually feel the most left out and lonely.
firstly because, at my maternal side family im the second oldest after my brother. my cousins range from 4 to 14 years old, all guys except for a girl 11 years old who likes to play wif the guys anyway. they talk and play things ranging from pokemon kraks ( whatever that is), kicking oranges as makeshift footballs to DOTA, all of which i cannot comprehend. and usually when i try to play wif my guy cousins, they dont like it anyway cuz they are in the stage of "she's- a-girl-she-cant-play-this-cuz-she's-too-scared" phase which i hate. discrimination much? they like to play wif my brother, kor-kor-daniel cuz he's the military guy, which i gotta admit, must appear quite cool to boys their age. like GI-Joes. uh huh, so tats why i dont play wif my cousins much. if they play wif me, i play wif them, if not most of the time im sitting ard watching tv or reading the papers and listening to adult gossip.

and then to the adults, im obviously not 40+ years old and i dont want to sit around my aunties chitchatting abt the latest grocery shopping. and every year without fail someone will ask me "how old are you" or "whats your name, i can onli rmb your brother's name sorry". to cut a long story short, most of my relatives are onli interested in my brother, which frankly speaking, kind of hurts. kor seems to dislike ppl asking abt him all the time, and i do know tats very frustrating, cuz he cant go out n meet up with his frens because some relative wants to see him. but i feel the other kind of frustration.i cld have been dancing on the dining table and no one wld have noticed. i tink one of the reasons why i pia so hard for O levels was because i wanted to prove myself, show tat i can achieve something out of the ordinary, something that will at least make them look at me and say wow for a change. but ive realised it doesnt make much of a difference anyway, cuz im forever living in my brother's shadow. i dont tink im jealous actually, cuz truthfully im proud of my brother and glad he's a strong and popular guy. i mean, i wont want to have a very nua guy for a brother rite? its jus tat sometimes i wish i cld have his charisma and ability to socialise.

on the other hand, at my paternal side, im the second youngest, with most of my cousins graduated, working, or married with kids (mostly toddler age). ironically, i find it easier to communicate with them even though we very seldom meet up. perhaps its because the topics are more realistic? at least they talk abt things like career options and not bazookas and fantasy monsters. n there aren't any distant random relatives that pop out frm nowhere to ask me whats my name and walk away before i finish replying. but again, age gap makes it quite hard to really click, ao again i end up watching tv or staring into space.
to put it simply, im stuck between the 2 sides, at my maternal side, i feel like an older person stuck in a little girl's body, cuz its just not my style to yell and shout wif the boys and play dirty games, and on my paternal side, im too young to be their soulmates too cuz i dont noe nuts abt motherhood or army or watever.

so, tat is why i dont like cny, not to mention the fact tat cny means spring-cleaning and hanging up curtains which always always lead to quarrels in my family as well. if its me i'll say screw the curtains lets jus forget abt cny la. ever since dont noe when, cny has becme more of an emotional obstacle for me rather than a joyous occasion because it jus means i have to go n get ignored again, and i hate this feeling of semi-non-existance (if theres such a word) within my extended family. n its not onli cny, its every other familty eventi tried to pretend its doesnt bother me, but grrs i cant deny it when its staring at me in the face. haix watever, im beginning to tink i shld jus not turn up for family events anymore. so, good riddance to cny, hah!

my brother is back for cny! haha. good got somebody to accompany me to relatives house.. not tat we're going anywhere this yr, cuz my father is working every single day haa.. so jus my amah house n tats it.. no angpows! haha nvm i shall stay home n rot my brain with tv.
the night before my bro came back,his officer called because he wanted to deliver a hamper to our house. apparently all the soldiers who go overseas get a new yr hamper, sort of an SAF welfare thingie..wow not bad haha i never knew.
anyway, here's a post frm the vj cosiety blog tat i tink is super funny haha. trin is one of the vj seniors who went overseas:


The Decline Of ManPublished by trin 10 months, 4 weeks ago in Legally Clubbing. Tags: No Tags.

Two weeks after the strain of the mock exams, for which the student population of my school studied for an exhausting combined total of around a day and a half, we sufficiently roused ourselves to engage in debate in the common room. Students in my year are meant to retire to its subterranean basement to engage in scholarly pursuits, but more often than not we engage in pursuit of the coffee machine and the biscuits borne by a hassled tea lady.
“Where did all the biscuits go?” demanded a blonde with clumpy mascara. When she was informed that Tammy was just in the area, she screeched, “GOD! They’re probably halfway down the TOILET now!” and then stomped off.
Twenty minutes later, Chris ran into the sitting area, and upon being told the same thing, screamed, “GOD! She’s just going to throw them up again! I hate bulimics!” This began a half-hour-long rant in which Chris vented against bulimics, anorexics (“I’m going to start an exchange programme between Africa and college – we send the anorexics over there and the African kids come to us and eat all the food the anorexics don’t”), vegetarians, self-injurers, and, bizarrely, cyclists.
“I hate those people who cut themselves and show it off! They roll up their sleeves and say, ‘Ohmygod, you did not just see that, ohmygod, please don’t tell anybody, I have problems – ohmygod, my sleeves just rolled up again! Whoopsies!’ ”
After being bullied into grudgingly feeling some small modicum of compassion by the rest of us (“Well, they might have emotional problems, but if they’re not willing to show compassion for themselves I don’t see why I should,” Chris conceded), we began a very satisfying rant about how we hated middle class guilt because it stopped us from a good, long session of wallowing in our own self-hatred and misery.
“I can’t feel sorry for myself because I just think I should shut up because there are people who are so much worse off, and then I feel worse because I can’t allow myself to feel worse, and then I just feel ANGRY,” summarised Evey. “Sometimes I want to kind of hug myself in a little ball in a corner of my room. But it has to be a warm corner,” she amended. We nodded, and clutched at our jumpers in the freezing temperatures of the basement common room.
“But,” I perked up, warming to the subject. “You know what I hate? I hate how girly and emotional guys are becoming. Don’t you notice how guys are getting more feminine and emotional, but girls are becoming more masculine?”
“There is only one acceptable reason for boys to cry: when an immediate family member dies. But only in the privacy of one’s room. I think boys who cry all the time should be shot,” contributed Ellie. “Can’t they repress it? We’ve been doing it for centuries!”
From this, we excepted gay boys only, because all women love gay boys. I know girls who will drop everything to comfort a crying gay boy in the hope of attaining that fabled prize known as the Gay Best Friend, who will offer you years of companionship, whether it be through the tribulations of a bad relationship or the trials of Christmas shopping – like a puppy, except with better dress sense.
“Actually,” said Lily, who studies science, “I think it’s because of the water.”
“You have got to be joking,” I said. In Singapore, where we drink government-filtered urine dosed with fluorine to make our teeth healthier, the idea of “something in the water” has unfortunately become widely accepted as a fact.
“No, it’s because of all the morning-after pills women are taking. They contain estrogen, right? Even when the pill is taken, the hormone remains present in the body until it’s passed out. It’s flushed out to the water system, which everybody drinks from. It doesn’t affect girls, because we already have estrogen in our bodies. But guys drink it and get doses of estrogen higher than what they already have, which make them emotional and more feminine.”
“But not so much that they start developing boobs,” added Ellie, helpfully.
“That actually makes sense,” I said thoughtfully. “It explains why all the girls I know in relationships are more macho than their boyfriends.”
This is true. Ellie mournfully notes that there is a clear dearth of the burly, heroic, masculine type who is amenable to clubbing women over the head – the kind of men she prefers. Instead, all the English male hipsters who are arguably on the cutting edge of the contemporary, now don tight skinny jeans cribbed from the wardrobes of their little sister and paint their nails. Most have slim, leggy builds, tiny waists, long floppy hair, and a fringe from under which they bat the even-longer eyelashes that encircle their alluringly lined eyes.
Cass, whose personal tastes run to this particular arena, has despairingly said more than once: “I get so confused. I don’t know if I want to be them or be with them. And even when I’m convinced I don’t actually want their legs, I don’t know if I want to be be [insert sexual act I am not allowed to refer to here]-ed by them or [insert sexual act here] them. I think I’m a gay man trapped in a woman’s body.” Tellingly, her instinctive reaction when confronted by one of these specimens is to claw at the nearest person and hiss, “He’s so pretty!”
The only men who seem determined to buck this trend are the chavs. They dress in baggy tracksuits and bling, desperately trying to make up for the increasing femininity of their fellow countrymen with hyper-masculine aggressionm, which basically manifests itself in beating people’s heads in with baseball bats or bare fists (this act has been labelled with the incogruously jolly name of ‘happy slapping’). Terrifyingly, there also exist female chavs (‘chavs’ is a unisex term), who dress exactly like the men. The few concessions to they make to their actual gender consist of long hair scraped across their skulls into vicious ponytails, and slightly more feminine bling (i.e. more diamonds). The baseball bats, however, remain.
I sat on a train journey with Christobel from college, who read FHM for one solid hour (“I don’t buy girly magazines, they’re just boring”), and then engaged in a mostly one-sided conversation with her boyfriend, who had managed to get into an argument with his dad.
“Well darling, if you don’t want to speak to your dad, then I suppose you’re never going to speak to him ever again and too bad for you, then,” Christy pointed out. There was an outraged squawk on the other end of the phone. Tiring quickly of the subject matter, she swiftly concluded the conversation with an absent “Uh huh, yeah, I do too. Talk to you soon.”
Christy closed her mobile with an audible ‘click’ and rolled her eyes.
“Men,” she sighed.
Apparently, some things never change. Guys may write poetry, grow out their hair, tighten their jeans and cry in their rooms to sad guitar music, but to women, they will always remain as the “other” sex. Primarily the emotionally stunted, imbecilic, but grudgingly lovable, one.
But to be on the safe side: don’t drink the water, guys.

these few days got quite alot of rumours abt A lvl results. welll... i want to get it over and done with asap!! haha.. some say 15th some say 28th some say march... i hope moe will hurry up n do the official press release then there wont be so much guessing all over the place.. getting a bit nervous liao haha. arghs. hurry up.

im here to grumble again~. hah. i tink im pms-ing these few days.. im not even happie cuz today is payday! weirds. well.. nth much to say, except my partner is busy writing in her journal and ignoring me cuz she seems in a bad mood and so am i. sians.
feel like going kbox to sing my lungs out. but then i also feel like going home to rot in front of the tv or sleep til blue dusk.. hai im just rambling along here, sort of no specific train of thoughts haha.. mm i had cup noodles for lunch again. somehow, i managed to eat more junk food than i ever did in jc (elaine dont throw your carrots at me). old chang kee, fast food, chocolate, potato chips, cup noodles, cookies and milo have become my staple food. haha.. im probably going to get cancer in a few yrs time haha.. but oh well.. nice food are usually harmful..
saturday, going to lou's house to make scrapbook for sophie. actualli im realli not in the mood, but then sophie is leaving soon and i do want to make something for her.. satuday nite, boss apparently booked karaoke room at bishan and wants us to go.. but my colleague says she's busy, and i dont want to go alone! like not veri close to the boss and somemore all guys. PERVERTIC guys who tend to have extramarital affairs. *blink red lights* but then again i dont noe how to reject them, cuz like quite bad. at the same time, ppl asking if i going for saturaday svc, i feel kind of obliged to go cuz sunday i'll be working roadshow and cannot go. but.. i dont feel like it. and then speaking of the road show, yingxi wont be doing wif me on sunday.. i scared the other ppl will be kind of dao, since i obviously dont really click wif them. haixxxxxx qiuyi why did u quit????? maybe i shld jus call michelle and tell her i dont wan to work this weekend. but then, one day earn abt 60 dollars (provided i get enough applicants) is quite tempting. besides its at parkway!! land of the rich!! very easy to get applicants cuz they practically approach you themselves. and i havent been to parkway since before A lvls haha. whats more can look around for birthday present for my colleague.BUT, besides the fact then i dont click wif some ppl, i also want to spend more time wif my parents, and i need to wash the pig cage haha. always so tired after roadshow then lazy to wash.. mummy going to nag soon..and the dreaded CNY coming soon, so i shld probably help to clean around the house rite? cant do it if im not around obviously.. so. dilemma. shld i go or not??!!!
i think i need a holiday.. forget everything and check myself into a banyan tree holiday resort at Maldives. haha no $$..
arghs...