university is so huge.. so easy to just get lost in the crowd, and become a person that fades into the background of everything..esp in business sch, everything so competitive..if i really want to get into hospitality (50 spaces!) i tink i really shld start speaking up, and make the profs notice me! usually though, im unnoticeable. because of my height haha.. n because i only open up to ppl that i know well..i cant imagine speaking in class like that super-pro guy in my seminar grp..dreading nxt week's article arena.. i really cant argue my points in front of ppl and wait for them to shoot me! in fact i cant argue, period. unless its crappy arguments with my close friends n family haha..why cant ppl accept the fact that some ppl are jus quieter than others? dont we learn that in OB? then why do we still assess ppl based on their argumentative skills? my mouth might not work well but it doesnt mean my brain is bad what..although recently my brain really is getting more n more stupid. i dont know why i totally canot comprehend maths anymore. like canNOT! which part of cannot cant ppl understand? its not like im not trying..i do the tutorials, even though 90% of my answers are wrong despite spending an entire day on it. (its jus a few qns, and i need to sit there for almost 6 hours! no wonder i say i have no time la) i even read the textbook, maths where got ppl read textbook de.. and anyway read oso dont understand..maybe i shld get a tutor haha. imagine i call the agency and ask, can i get tutor for undergrad? haha~
i know my recent posts has been rambling abt sch..but then again, my whole life is practically sch now. i live in sch. haha..but then again hall life is fun.. i got into hexis!! although stil dont noe wats my role haa.. and i got to be block rep! and im in OC committee and yin sync! if i still dont get in hall nxt year i'll jus bang the wall..soooo many activities, and all the stupid projects that keep pouring in nonstop..if i dont stay hall i really cant imagine commuting 2 hrs everyday, esp if we have to meet for proj discussions..i'll really just karoshi. haha my new fav word..KAROSHI! means dying of job overload through stroke, heart attack, brain haemorrage etc. in japan 10000 ppl die of karoshi each year!! scary right..imagine one day u'll just collapse and die.. i wonder if singapore has such a prob oso, all those sudden deaths..really our lifestlye is getting more and more like the one depicted in the karoshi video hah..
and anyway i jus realised i forgot to paragraph my post. again..haha
i like chunks of words! because i like to rant! and ramble on and on and complain haha..
good for me, but sorry to the readers ar.. hehe.. dont noe who reads my blog anyway..
but sometimes i feel really lost. lost touch with the world (no tv, no news!),lost touch with my family and friends, lost touch with myself.. when i chat with kailuen, we can laugh ourselves to death abt the things we used to do in xinmin. but since jc till now, are there really things i can laugh about? like, no life! today during our stats grp discussion, i dont know wat happened but meihua and i jus kept laughing. haha i really laughed so hard i cried. so sad right, dont even know what im laughing at. maybe subconsciously im jus releasing all my pent up emotions haha. sort of reminds me of Beloved again..Sixo laughing when the whitemen burned him at the stake. Sethe laughing until she dont even know when the laughter stopped and the tears came. omg i miss literature!! cant believe im saying this haha..although lit is like infinity times better than maths. haixxxxxxxx....emotions really do affect us, this is the one thing i learned from OB haha.
sorry ar, getting abit emo this few days..im fine im ok once i get over it!

back in hall! im glad i went for prayer meeting this morning! now i feel more alive haha

last week was another blur of events and homework..i dont know why im stressing myself over presentations thats not assigned to my grp.. im kinda worried that we wont do a good job, we wont have time to meet up, we'll get low marks which will pull down my gpa which will affect my final results which will affect my honours level yada yada yada. i tend to link everything 2 years into the future. haha.. can i graduate like now?? i dont wan to study liao!! and i went to look at the past year exam papers for this semester's modules.. im like ?!?!?!?!?! i dont know how to do!! i dont believe i was this lost and dumb before.. must be brain cell degeneration after 8 mths of not using my brain.. i need to think! analyse! be critical and creative!!

so anyway, friday nite i went for hall one night stand to de-stress.. ice skating was fun.. i think i improved abit from my first time in taiwan.. now i can glide abit more.. and then geylang supper. and then circle of trust, which was super hilarious! cant believe how many secrets we dug up.. but due to the regulations, i shan't reveal here haha.. its quite amazing how quickly one can get close to a grp of ppl hor.. i like my hall alot! haha.. but sometimes miss home.. i miss home food and my family and my pigs..lol.. come n visit me!! haha.. i shall give out my hall address so ppl can write me letters haha..

ok going back to study. tonite matric maze! joining RAcomm and 音sync!

ok i shall update my blog haha.
dunno leh come to uni got not much time for thoughts so nv blog as often haha
how to say leh? im still not used to the sch system i guess.. feels abit insecure sometimes.. like even though i try not to skip lectures and tutorials and seminars but sometimes still come out wondering whether i learned anything or not..
but i tink hall life is really fun. haha.. especially with all the crappy seniors ard..im gg to join RAcomm and 音sync.. shld be quite ok right.. if KT can join 6 subcomms and still do double spec i shld oso can right???? haha.. but then im not as pro as him haha.. watever la. see how it goes first..
i tink for me my first sem considered quite slack lor. compared to other ppl.. but still i feel packed. dunno nxt sem and nxt yr how..argh God expand my capacity pls! multiply my time! i tink i spend alot of time procrastinating on my tasks rather than doing them haha, so i end up thinking i spend alot of time on hw, but then maybe its not. but really i try to do leh. jus tat get stuck then i du lan alr. haha..
aiya aiya dunno la.. dont tink too much. im gg to read my ob textbook liao. sians halfway..

秘密. 揭晓了!

yesterday nite went to watch 不能说的秘密with bel and cel. haha the show was very nice!
waited for so long finally watched it haha.. and i really very ting jay de hua.. he say dont find out anything abt the movie before u step into the cinema, and i really didnt go and read any reviews and stuff haha..i think the story is very 凄美even though the plot was abit weird.. somehow jay managed to make it not as lame as it shld be haha.. and i love all the sound effects! the background music and all very pei the movie haha.. makes me feel like learning piano haixx.. i want to know how to play the "secret" song!! yup, overall the movie was better than wat i expected..jay got some parts very cute! and at least his acting improved alot frm huang jinjia. haha
anyway, sch has started!! alot of things to settle all of a sudden, like choosing electives, printing notes and buying textbooks..then suddenly got so much reading to do! how to read so many chapters of OB and stats la.. after 8 mths of slacking my conc span now is super short lor.. like read a few page then drift off wan to sleep liao.. sian leh. and then i attempted to do the tutorials. totally catch no ball haha..grrs. hope my system can pick up soon or else my this semester the gpa die.
and i think ntu is too big for its own good. everywhere so mountainous! i dont go out without putting on sunblock, and confirm u study in this sch will lose weight one. frm nie walk to north spine walk to south spine walk to hall and all the admin places. lucky got the shuttle bus, but i really still not used to so much walking ard haha. and i always get lost. im the lu chi leh! dont make me walk here walk there to rush for classes leh... i need to find some way to keep myself frm perspiring so much la. or else everytime i reach the LT or tut room sooooo tired liao how to pay attention? and my hostel room is super hot! very stuffy.. only gets cooler like in the middle of the night.. i wan aircon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sob. or at least a very powerful fan. haha
rahs. kk i need to go and read up my OB textbook and prepare for seminar liao..

Im back frm hall camp finally..
the past week has just been a blur of hours, no days no nights. hall 6 is really true to its reputation - the mega sports hall of ntu. practically everyone is an experienced sports player haha.. sometimes i feel kinda extra cuz i dont do sports.. but really want to thank all the SICs and seniors and fellow freshies for encouraging me on.. the daily station games, the beach games, fright night, campfire, senior-freshie date, skit and mascot competition, pool games, photohunt, amazing race, initiation night, the cheerfight and jcrc talks...i'll remember them for a long time to come. even though now im like bruised and injured everywhere i can think of, and im black as charcoal, but dont regret gg for camp la. janus really is the best OG ive ever been in.. win also high, lose also high haha.. all the seniors say we siao. OG supper next tues! :)
ok im super tired now. update nxt time la